THE RANDY ROMANCE NOVELIST by Meghan Quinn
Scheduled to release: April 12, 2016
Cover designer: Meghan Quinn
It finally happened, I lost my virginity. Cue applause and cheers.
For a while life was all rainbows and kittens prancing in a sky full of cotton candy clouds…that was until the demands of the real world set in.
My best friend is getting married and she asked me to be her maid of honor. She’s not worried about flowers, or the dress, or the food at the venue. No, she’s worried about the bachelorette party, what kind of penis crown she will wear, and the nipple size of the stripper who will be attending.
I’m in way over my head trying to balance life with a boyfriend, planning a penis party, and writing my romance novel. Something is bound to give.
This is my life after my happily ever after…
Being a lube virgin, I wasn’t quite sure what to do with the thin liquid, so, I popped the top open, squatted ever so slightly with my legs spread as much as they could go, thanks to my underwear, and I pressed the lube up near my vagina. Taking a deep breath, I squeezed hard and shot the lube straight up into Virginia.
A cold wave of thin liquid coated my inner walls right before gravity took hold of it and brought it back down, straight into my underwear, my now appointed lube net.
“Crap,” I muttered, looking down at the pile of liquid sitting in the crotch of my underwear.
Bottle and balls in my hands, I stared at the mess and tried to decide what to do. The heaviness of the lube weighed down my underwear, so I shimmied them down my legs and toed them to the side to pick up after. Commando was sexy, I told myself.
Still eyeing the balls, I convinced myself I could do this. How hard could it really be? Taking a deep breath, I prayed there was enough lube still coating Virginia and slipped the first ball in. Easily I pushed it up and was pleased with the way it fit. With a little more confidence, I thumbed the second one inside and clenched. A small vibration rang through me . . . a pleasing sensation was I wasn’t expecting.
“Well, isn’t that delightful?” I said to myself.
Standing there, I felt comfortable; I could totally do this. More confident, I deposited my underwear and the empty lube bottle in the sanitary napkins trash can—sorry cleaning service—and wiped my hands with some toilet paper so I didn’t slick down the door handle.
Flushing the toilet, I exited, walking very slowly to the sink. With every step, my confidence wavered. I had to really think about each push forward, clenching as tight as I could, praying I didn’t strain my damn cervix.
Signed Print copy and $15 Amazon Gift Card
Purchase THE VIRGIN ROMANCE NOVELIST HERE!
Can you say briar patch in a romance novel? What about meat sword? That’s what it is…a meat sword, right, all meaty and sword like, slaying through the inner dungeons of a woman’s dark desires. What about breasts? Do bosoms really heave?
God, I have no idea what happens when private parts touch.
I’m a virgin trying to write a romance novel and can’t seem to write past a sex scene thanks to my lack of experience.
My two best friends encourage me to drop the pen for a while and gain some real life practice through multiple dating facets such as blind dates, online profiles, and random hookups.
But losing my virginity is proving to be tougher than expected…
About the Author:
Born in New York and raised in Southern California, Meghan has grown into a sassy, peanut butter eating, blonde haired swearing, animal hoarding lady. She is known to bust out and dance if "It's Raining Men" starts beating through the air and heaven forbid you get a margarita in her, protect your legs because they may be humped.
Once she started commuting for an hour and twenty minutes every day to work for three years, she began to have conversations play in her head, real life, deep male voices and dainty lady coos kind of conversations. Perturbed and confused, she decided to either see a therapist about the hot and steamy voices running through her head or start writing them down. She decided to go with the cheaper option and started writing... enter her first novel, Caught Looking.
Now you can find the spicy, most definitely on the border of lunacy, kind of crazy lady residing in Colorado with the love of her life and her five, furry four legged children, hiking a trail or hiding behind shelves at grocery stores, wondering what kind of lube the nervous stranger will bring home to his wife. Oh and she loves a good boob squeeze!
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My rating: 5 of 5 stars
I read The Virgin Romance Novelist last year and absolutely loved it! When I heard that this sequel was going to be released I was super excited and couldn't wait to read it.
Firstly, this book was hilarious from start to finish. I had some major laugh out loud moments while reading this. Rosie is an endearing disaster as always lol. I love reading her inner thoughts and I admire her enthusiasm, even if things don't always go to plan, which is more often than not. She's a great character and you can't help but love her.
Henry is just as awesome as he was in the first book. I love him and Rosie together. We also have some returning favourites from TVRN. Delaney, Rosie's best friend, is preparing, rather manically for her dream wedding. There is also a welcome return from Marta the demon waxer and how could we forget Rosie's feline nemesis? Good old Sir-Licks-A-Lot lol. It's not often you find an animal character that is better than a lot of human ones. This one has some major cattitude ;o)
This was a great fun ride and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. If you're a fan of some hilarious romantic fun full of bawdy humour, then you can't go wrong with this. I think you could probably read this without the first book and still enjoy it but I honestly wouldn't recommend it. This book is so much more enjoyable of you know the story before.
I would definitely recommend this and I can't wait to read more from this author.
Calling All Bookaholics :)
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